The SmokeFree Diaries - Session IV

Spoke to a friend and a sister on the telephone yesterday. They both smoke and it was strange to hear them puffing away on their cigarettes as I spoke to them.

Kate's husband gave up using the inhaler, which he found helped because it was most like a cigarette.

Wore the patch through the night and so far have consumed four lozenges in two days. So I've had 19 mg of nicotine each day and it is taking the edge of the whole thing.

I still get anxious when going shopping - particularly food shopping. It's the will-I-crack-or-not scenario but I managed to go to the garage on Tuesday night and get some milk and bread. I did buy a small bar of galaxy chocolate though. I have no idea what that means psychologically speaking - the need to buy something that pleases the senses in some way disregarding any health/weight issues.

It was just a small bar.

I still would like a cigarette but I try to rationalise myself past the desire to smoke. If it does continue for much longer I might try an inhaler just to see if that works

Reasons to stay smoke free

• no ashtray smell in the house
• no ashtray smell in my hair or clothes
  
• a happier cat
• a richer me
• not giving money over to companies that sell products which poison me and make me ill. I won't let myself be duped anymore. bwahaha!
  
• whiter teeth naturally.
• reduced risk of heart attack
• improved circulation
• not deliberately poisoning myself.

Okay ... I probably need to work on those phrases to turn them around

• a fresher smelling house
• fresher smelling clothes
• a happy cat
• a richer me
• a conscious reduction in funding of companies that lie and don't consider their customer's life and health
• naturally whiter teeth
• improved circulation
• less risk of heart attack or cardiac issues
• being chemical free

There. I wonder how that does on the NLP stakes.

Did I say I had to wash my fleece because it smelt of old cigarette smoke?
I was out a week ago last Tuesday and I could smell this awful smell and realised it was my jacket. So that went in the wash along with my winter fleece.

I'm going to have to do the car soon too because that smells. I still drive with the window open. Strange habits.

SmokeFreeNess III

• Giving up smoking isn't easy.
  
• Nicotine is far more addictive than heroin. You can be addicted to nicotine in 7 seconds but it actually takes a bit of work to get addicted to heroin.
  
• Cigarette manufacturer's add chemicals to their cigarettes to maintain brand loyalty. I should imagine a lot of these chemicals are addictive in their own right which is why I crave buying a packet of the brand of cigarettes I used to smoke.
  
• Would you get £2000 out of your bank account, set fire to it and then inject yourself with carcinogenic drugs?

I went to the Doctor's surgery this morning. The Smoke Free Nurse is so booked up that I had to use the ordinary system and saw the ordinary nurse. I spoke about the lack of sleep and said I'd been wearing the patches through the night to help circumvent this. I wanted to know if that was okay and she seemed to think it was.

We talked about how I'd felt and I said I still get cravings for a cigarette even though I am using the patches and even though I hadn't put my patch on until 4pm on Monday.

I was honest and spoke about the times I had had a cigarette - even the three puffs of one on a Saturday night so she suggested upping the patch strength. I wasn't keen on this because I do get a skin reaction to the patches. They do irritate and I know I can't tolerate the 21mg patch because of the skin irritation.

I have found it difficult; I have been less tolerant where I am normally tolerant but I am not sure if that is all so bad. However this may not be a bad thing. There have been times where I have wished I could be more assertive and maybe that will come out more.

We also talked about the anxiety. I experienced huge anxiety over the prospect of giving up smoking. I also was quite nervous of going shopping in Sainsbury's and managing to go past the cigarette counter without buying a packet of cigarettes on the first Saturday that I had given up. But I did manage that. I still get anxieties about failing and going into a shop or garage and buying cigarettes.

I have also had cravings for a cigarette. Last night after cleaning my teeth I wanted a cigarette before going to bed. When I get these cravings I understand they are there and I accept that they will occur.

The problem for me, during the last week is that craving is like a constant niggle. Having had those three puffs on a cigarette on Saturday night, I was able to manage staying at the BBQ and watching Sarah's lovely arowanas. I even coped with waiting to watch them feed although Sarah did bring feeding time forward.

So we decided something extra would help me. We looked at the lozenges, the inhaler and some tablets that you stick under the tongue and let dissolve and I opted for the lozenges. I think the inhaler would have helped last week but I feel it is now too much like a cigarette to be of any benefit.

I got them at the pharmacy and took one on the way home. Although they do have menthol or peppermint in them they tasted and felt like an ashtray in my mouth. I hope that will help me avoid using too many. I only have 36 - well 35 now - to last a fortnight so that's not very many at all. That is

• 36/14 = 18/7 = 2 and 4/7th lozenges per day or about 2.5 lozenges a day.

I hope I don't need to use too many of them.

I was congratulated on how well I was doing but I feel I would have deserved the congratulations if I hadn't had any cigarettes at all during the week.

So now I have my second prescription filled!!! Wow!!! what a success!!! When I started, I really didn't know if I would get this far.

I spent the money I had saved not buying cigarettes on some fish and a new filter for the fish tank. I got three botia almorhae and three botia striata who are all gorgeous. I also got a Fluval 2+ which cost me nearly £30 and some new fish food. And some more plants.