Smoke Free VI - I coped fine

I've been doing an AS Level in Psychology this year and had the exam yesterday afternoon.

On top of the stress of revising and the worry of taking an exam I have been worrying about how I would 'cope' without cigarettes to resort to.

The news is : I coped fine. I came out after the first paper and some candidates were lighting up. I actually felt superior because I didn't feel I needed a cigarette.

The second break wasn't as superciliously uplifting but I still managed not to run off and beg a cigarette from anyone.

Though I will admit to talking to someone who does still smoke and eyeing their cigarette most greedily.

£156.90 saved so far!

I think I should start looking at away breaks and getting a hair cut as a treat.

Smoke Free Session V

Three whole weeks ................. 21 days ............. 0 cigarettes ... £137.29p not spent on cigarettes!

I worked it out today that I have not had a cigarette since Friday 27th April. I have had 21 cigarette free days.

There's an ad campaign here in the UK. There are four posters in it showing two men and two women with a huge fish hook in their faces, tugging at them. It's all about being hooked and I'm so feeling that metaphysical hook tugging at me today.

I wonder why Saturdays seem to be the hardest day? It was tough last Saturday too.

I can't pretend this is easy. The car has just cost me nearly £100 in welding and still needs some £250 more work doing to get it through its MoT this year. And I am just so dying for a cigarette today.

However, I am at least not adding to my financial woes by setting light to my money. I really really wish I had never started ! Stomp STOMP STOMP. There, hissy fit done now. (and I promise I won't muck around with typefaces again.)

I had to really work hard on resisting going into a shop to buy some cigarettes on the way home just now. It just seems to be so tough.

On the plus side, I let the radio wake me up at weekends and was woken this morning by the dulcet southern drawl of ex-US President Jimmy Carter and his discussion on the Middle East and the Blair/Bush disaster that is Iraq. He criticized Blair for supporting Bush in this move.

Yep, it's easy to criticize others and Mr Carter may be more in a position than any of us to be able to lodge valid critique of world affairs at this stage but it was good to be able to hear the criticism. And interesting that his criticism is juxtaposed against the Queen's support of the Blair/Bush effort.

And it was good to stay curled up in bed, listening to it before the demands of bodily needs and a meowing cat meant I had to rise.

I ran for a bus today too and wasn't so badly out of breath for all that. I have air in my lungs at last.

I have to fix in my mind, the benefits.

• I'm richer for not smoking


• I'm healthier for not smoking - I have whiter teeth, my gums are better and my skin is improving. My circulation should be improving some I hope.


• My money is not going to support the profits of cigarette company which not only sells an addictive drug to its customers, but also lies to them about the carcinogenic qualities of the drug and the additives they include in the final product.


• The flat doesn't smell like an ashtray


• My clothes don't smell of cigarette smoke and nor do I.

I am so much better off being smoke free.

I am glad I have got this far.

The SmokeFree Diaries - Session IV

Spoke to a friend and a sister on the telephone yesterday. They both smoke and it was strange to hear them puffing away on their cigarettes as I spoke to them.

Kate's husband gave up using the inhaler, which he found helped because it was most like a cigarette.

Wore the patch through the night and so far have consumed four lozenges in two days. So I've had 19 mg of nicotine each day and it is taking the edge of the whole thing.

I still get anxious when going shopping - particularly food shopping. It's the will-I-crack-or-not scenario but I managed to go to the garage on Tuesday night and get some milk and bread. I did buy a small bar of galaxy chocolate though. I have no idea what that means psychologically speaking - the need to buy something that pleases the senses in some way disregarding any health/weight issues.

It was just a small bar.

I still would like a cigarette but I try to rationalise myself past the desire to smoke. If it does continue for much longer I might try an inhaler just to see if that works

Reasons to stay smoke free

• no ashtray smell in the house
• no ashtray smell in my hair or clothes
  
• a happier cat
• a richer me
• not giving money over to companies that sell products which poison me and make me ill. I won't let myself be duped anymore. bwahaha!
  
• whiter teeth naturally.
• reduced risk of heart attack
• improved circulation
• not deliberately poisoning myself.

Okay ... I probably need to work on those phrases to turn them around

• a fresher smelling house
• fresher smelling clothes
• a happy cat
• a richer me
• a conscious reduction in funding of companies that lie and don't consider their customer's life and health
• naturally whiter teeth
• improved circulation
• less risk of heart attack or cardiac issues
• being chemical free

There. I wonder how that does on the NLP stakes.

Did I say I had to wash my fleece because it smelt of old cigarette smoke?
I was out a week ago last Tuesday and I could smell this awful smell and realised it was my jacket. So that went in the wash along with my winter fleece.

I'm going to have to do the car soon too because that smells. I still drive with the window open. Strange habits.

SmokeFreeNess III

• Giving up smoking isn't easy.
  
• Nicotine is far more addictive than heroin. You can be addicted to nicotine in 7 seconds but it actually takes a bit of work to get addicted to heroin.
  
• Cigarette manufacturer's add chemicals to their cigarettes to maintain brand loyalty. I should imagine a lot of these chemicals are addictive in their own right which is why I crave buying a packet of the brand of cigarettes I used to smoke.
  
• Would you get £2000 out of your bank account, set fire to it and then inject yourself with carcinogenic drugs?

I went to the Doctor's surgery this morning. The Smoke Free Nurse is so booked up that I had to use the ordinary system and saw the ordinary nurse. I spoke about the lack of sleep and said I'd been wearing the patches through the night to help circumvent this. I wanted to know if that was okay and she seemed to think it was.

We talked about how I'd felt and I said I still get cravings for a cigarette even though I am using the patches and even though I hadn't put my patch on until 4pm on Monday.

I was honest and spoke about the times I had had a cigarette - even the three puffs of one on a Saturday night so she suggested upping the patch strength. I wasn't keen on this because I do get a skin reaction to the patches. They do irritate and I know I can't tolerate the 21mg patch because of the skin irritation.

I have found it difficult; I have been less tolerant where I am normally tolerant but I am not sure if that is all so bad. However this may not be a bad thing. There have been times where I have wished I could be more assertive and maybe that will come out more.

We also talked about the anxiety. I experienced huge anxiety over the prospect of giving up smoking. I also was quite nervous of going shopping in Sainsbury's and managing to go past the cigarette counter without buying a packet of cigarettes on the first Saturday that I had given up. But I did manage that. I still get anxieties about failing and going into a shop or garage and buying cigarettes.

I have also had cravings for a cigarette. Last night after cleaning my teeth I wanted a cigarette before going to bed. When I get these cravings I understand they are there and I accept that they will occur.

The problem for me, during the last week is that craving is like a constant niggle. Having had those three puffs on a cigarette on Saturday night, I was able to manage staying at the BBQ and watching Sarah's lovely arowanas. I even coped with waiting to watch them feed although Sarah did bring feeding time forward.

So we decided something extra would help me. We looked at the lozenges, the inhaler and some tablets that you stick under the tongue and let dissolve and I opted for the lozenges. I think the inhaler would have helped last week but I feel it is now too much like a cigarette to be of any benefit.

I got them at the pharmacy and took one on the way home. Although they do have menthol or peppermint in them they tasted and felt like an ashtray in my mouth. I hope that will help me avoid using too many. I only have 36 - well 35 now - to last a fortnight so that's not very many at all. That is

• 36/14 = 18/7 = 2 and 4/7th lozenges per day or about 2.5 lozenges a day.

I hope I don't need to use too many of them.

I was congratulated on how well I was doing but I feel I would have deserved the congratulations if I hadn't had any cigarettes at all during the week.

So now I have my second prescription filled!!! Wow!!! what a success!!! When I started, I really didn't know if I would get this far.

I spent the money I had saved not buying cigarettes on some fish and a new filter for the fish tank. I got three botia almorhae and three botia striata who are all gorgeous. I also got a Fluval 2+ which cost me nearly £30 and some new fish food. And some more plants.

SmokeFreeness II

Well .... here's the report from the latest nicotine addict trying to come off the evil stuff.

This weekend was the May Day Bank Holiday in the UK and a friend came up. We went out to see her niece who's just had her 21st birthday and I found out she is not only Aries but her birthday is the day after mine. What an excellent bunch we Arians are :)

We ate and drank far too much and I was very very naughty and blagged a cigarette off a student in the pub. Poor soul was clinging on to his 10 fags and surrendered one to me. I took three puffs and then put it out.

Next day I woke up feeling as sick as a pig - was it the food and wine we'd consumed or was it that naughty cigarette? We'll never know but I usually don't have hangovers or feel sick. The food had a lot of cream and was quite rich and I am not used to such good Italian food.

After Angie had gone south I crawled back into bed for a bit and then went to a BBQ. Almost everyone was smoking there which I found quite tough but I was determined not to slack off again. I felt if I did that then the slacking off would get to be too much of a habit and I would slip back into smoking again all too easily.

I gave a couple of mates a lift home and Christine wants to give up too. She's going to try the lozenges. Quite why she isn't using the patches I'll never know. I think Christine was amazed that I could stand there and let them smoke but not scream for one myself. I did want one and I said so when she asked me how I was managing. However I know that if I want to give up then I have to be firm with myself and not give in. I shouldn't really be giving in as much as I have been doing!

Bank Holiday Monday, I gave myself a treat and didn't put a patch on until 4pm. I was tired and slept for part of the afternoon and then had a long lounge in the bath and I didn't go out to the allotment or do much all day bar potter about and have a duvet day. But I think it did me the world of good to be lazy and destress like that.


Anyhow I went to the Doctor's again today to get a new prescription and I shall post about that after breakfast.

SmokeFreeness

Yeay!

Well I went and did it.

I finally mustered up the courage to go to the doctor's surgery to get help to start my smoke free life. That was a week ago and I got a prescription for some nicotine patches.

I was supposed to start on Friday 28th April and I did ... sort of. I had three cigarettes left from a packet I had bought the day before so I smoked those and then put my patch on. (Probably very very bad for my health.)

Later on I blagged, no let's say it, begged(!!) a cigarette from a neighbour. It made me feela bit sick to be honest. Luckily she is moving so, although I shall miss her, there won't be anyone for me to cadge cigarettes from.

So on Friday 28th April I had a total of four cigarettes. I reduced my cigarette consumption by 86% on the first day so I think it's not perfect but better than not reducing it all. I wore the patch on my left arm and it itched and burned for a bit when I put it on.

Since then I haven't had one cigarette. Not one!!! It's been soooo tough.

• Saturday: woke up in the night really wanting a cigarette and woke early in the morning with really heavy cravings. Got nicotine patch on my right arm as soon as I had showered. It provides some relief against the cravings. They are still there but much more manageable. Really don't think I could do it without them. Did a lot of digging at the allotment and then bathed and went to Sainsbury's. I removed the patch when I bathed and stuck it back on afterwards. Mercifully it held and I was able to go to Sainsbury's get some food and *not* go to the cigarette counter! I treated myself to some Belgian waffles and ice cream and an expensive meal of little courses - like antipasti and some turkey and so on. Just a lot of little nibbles. 0 cigarettes today!
  
• Sunday: restless sleep and woke during the night and early again - still craving cigarettes - desperate to put my patch on. Have been swapping arms and moving the site around where I put the patch i.e. left arm and then right arm. Thought the sensitivity to the patches had reduced as I acclimatized to them but today was left arm day again. Today's sight was close to Friday's site and the whole of Friday's site came up in bumps and was very itchy. Really wasn't very comfortable at all, but I survived it. 0 cigarettes today.
  
• Monday : busy day lots to do - went to woodwork and Psychology classes. Told people at woodwork that I'd given up. This sort of activity will help me try harder to stick to being smoke free. At least that is what I hope, Psychology is in the evening and we have a short break about 7.30pmish. I really felt like having a cigarette then but managed not to chase anyone or try and cadge one off anyone. (Honestly, we druggies know no bounds in seeking to satisfy our primordial cravings.) Still getting cigarette cravings.. presumably, with the nicotine patches, my actual nicotine cravings are at a minimum and fairly well kept at bay by the patches. This can only be the habit part of smoking. The desire to stop and have a cigarette always seems to crop up. Possibly part of it is the nicotine receptors in the brain trying to delude the rest of me? Anyhow - that was the most notable craving and I managed to get past it. I find that if I simply breathe in deeply, as if I would when smoking a cigarette, I can push the desire away when I breathe out. Another 0 cigarette day! That's three days with no cigarettes at all.
  
• Tuesday : Restless night followed by an aggravating day trying to get Debian to work as I wished. Really is a bad week to decide to change operating system!! Anyhow, I plugged on and got a bit angry with it doing unexpected networky type things and not loading kde properly. I was really suffering from a desire to have a cigarette all day but I knew that having one wouldn't solve the OS issues and would just mean I was back on the smoking treadmill again. Went to tiling class in the evening which was alright. Always good to see people and we watched a video and measured a fake 'bathroom' up for tiling. Assessing where to put the tiles is a lot of work but you do have to think about it to get a good finish. Then we grouted drilled and bored through some tiles. Had partially let myself be fooled into thinking that I could cadge a fag off one of the class mates if I was that desparate but by the time I got to tiling class, I didn't want a cigarette. So that made 0 fags for day 4 too.

I used to smoke 25 cigarettes a day and I haven't bought any cigarettes for Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday or Tuesday and I haven't bought any today yet. For those five full days of not buying cigarettes, I have saved £36.31!!!

If I keep this up I will have saved £47 by the end of tomorrow which will be fantastic!

How am I coping with it? ... Generally okay, I think. I used lots of tricks at the beginning to reinforce my aims.

Every time I experienced a craving, for instance, I rued the day I had started; looked back on that time and considered how foolish I was to have even begun smoking.

I also reminded myself about my other reasons for wanting to be smoke free. Saving money, my health, the cat's happiness, needing a greenhouse and shed for the allotment, wanting to start a business but not wanting to set fire to all that hard earned cash.

Considered that anyone who, once a year, took nearly £2000 out of their bank account and set fire to it, then injected themselves with or somehow deliberately consumed a carcinogen material, could be described as at least a little insane,

That helped lift me past some of it I am sure.

I did start coughing and sneezing a bit on Sunday but that hasn't got too bad yet. I feel I am breathing better and my teeth are certainly less stained already. Need to wash my fleece though because I really noticed how it smelt of stale smoke. Certainly seem to have enough energy to cope with the lack of sleep!

I'm so happy to have been so successful so quickly.