SmokeFreeNess III

• Giving up smoking isn't easy.
  
• Nicotine is far more addictive than heroin. You can be addicted to nicotine in 7 seconds but it actually takes a bit of work to get addicted to heroin.
  
• Cigarette manufacturer's add chemicals to their cigarettes to maintain brand loyalty. I should imagine a lot of these chemicals are addictive in their own right which is why I crave buying a packet of the brand of cigarettes I used to smoke.
  
• Would you get £2000 out of your bank account, set fire to it and then inject yourself with carcinogenic drugs?

I went to the Doctor's surgery this morning. The Smoke Free Nurse is so booked up that I had to use the ordinary system and saw the ordinary nurse. I spoke about the lack of sleep and said I'd been wearing the patches through the night to help circumvent this. I wanted to know if that was okay and she seemed to think it was.

We talked about how I'd felt and I said I still get cravings for a cigarette even though I am using the patches and even though I hadn't put my patch on until 4pm on Monday.

I was honest and spoke about the times I had had a cigarette - even the three puffs of one on a Saturday night so she suggested upping the patch strength. I wasn't keen on this because I do get a skin reaction to the patches. They do irritate and I know I can't tolerate the 21mg patch because of the skin irritation.

I have found it difficult; I have been less tolerant where I am normally tolerant but I am not sure if that is all so bad. However this may not be a bad thing. There have been times where I have wished I could be more assertive and maybe that will come out more.

We also talked about the anxiety. I experienced huge anxiety over the prospect of giving up smoking. I also was quite nervous of going shopping in Sainsbury's and managing to go past the cigarette counter without buying a packet of cigarettes on the first Saturday that I had given up. But I did manage that. I still get anxieties about failing and going into a shop or garage and buying cigarettes.

I have also had cravings for a cigarette. Last night after cleaning my teeth I wanted a cigarette before going to bed. When I get these cravings I understand they are there and I accept that they will occur.

The problem for me, during the last week is that craving is like a constant niggle. Having had those three puffs on a cigarette on Saturday night, I was able to manage staying at the BBQ and watching Sarah's lovely arowanas. I even coped with waiting to watch them feed although Sarah did bring feeding time forward.

So we decided something extra would help me. We looked at the lozenges, the inhaler and some tablets that you stick under the tongue and let dissolve and I opted for the lozenges. I think the inhaler would have helped last week but I feel it is now too much like a cigarette to be of any benefit.

I got them at the pharmacy and took one on the way home. Although they do have menthol or peppermint in them they tasted and felt like an ashtray in my mouth. I hope that will help me avoid using too many. I only have 36 - well 35 now - to last a fortnight so that's not very many at all. That is

• 36/14 = 18/7 = 2 and 4/7th lozenges per day or about 2.5 lozenges a day.

I hope I don't need to use too many of them.

I was congratulated on how well I was doing but I feel I would have deserved the congratulations if I hadn't had any cigarettes at all during the week.

So now I have my second prescription filled!!! Wow!!! what a success!!! When I started, I really didn't know if I would get this far.

I spent the money I had saved not buying cigarettes on some fish and a new filter for the fish tank. I got three botia almorhae and three botia striata who are all gorgeous. I also got a Fluval 2+ which cost me nearly £30 and some new fish food. And some more plants.